We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
