five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
