just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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