Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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