A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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