I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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