I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
