he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
