even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
