my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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