I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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