I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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