Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
