I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
