Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
