i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
