So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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