I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
