Pappa wants mamma naked
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
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