Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
