if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
