Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
