You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
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