you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
