So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
