Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
