i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
