why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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