Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
