you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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