eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
