so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
