Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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