Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
