i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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