Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
