it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
