good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
