will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
