i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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