She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
