In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I met the friendliest cop last night
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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