Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
