i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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