oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
