Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
