I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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