but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I did not marry a roomba.
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