i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
