i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
