Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
