I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
