So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
it hurts more in the daytime
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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