you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
