When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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