...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
