mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
